Are we traumatised, or are we blessed?

Have you ever felt so difficult to say that you're so blessed when there's a big challenge in your life? I felt that way too - I couldn't sincerely say I'm blessed, I felt like lying if I did it (which sometimes I still did it for the sake of answering people's greeting).

Then recently one night as I watched one of the E.W. Kenyon's teaching I realised that the flesh wanted me to agree with something outside God's word, it's a flesh' thing, my feeling was the one under deception. The deception wanted me to admit as if God's word isn't true just because I'm experiencing some challenge & naturally feeling bad about it. 

The Lord wants me to see the truth of who I am in Christ. Does what Christ's done on the cross affect me permanently & consistently? Is what He's done influenced by my circumstances?

This thought hit me, and I tried to find how I am, not by measuring or observing how my feeling is due to the challenge, but by seeing & meditating on God's word as the real truth over my life (this is what God's word all about), it's not about sense's knowledge, it's about the knowledge of God & Christ that multiplies grace & peace (2 Peter 1:2)

Ephesians 1:3 "...who has blessed us (I'm included) with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ. 

Ephesians 1:5 having predestined us to adoption as sons (read : sonship) by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved (talks about favour).

So it means I'm blessed, and I'm a son of God, my Father is God Almighty...no one can mess with Him, and I'm accepted in the Lord Jesus (His beloved Son). I've got favour with God. I cannot think that I'm just nobody - not to be self-proud here, but to see the real perspective of what He's done for me.

So logically I'm so blessed, my being blessed doesn't depend on whether there's challenge or not, but whether Jesus has done perfect work on calvary or not - with this truth as my perspective I can confess confidently that "I'm so blessed" even in the midst of the trial that wants me to believe otherwise.

There's a difference between "trying to be blessed" (as a reaction of feeling not blessed) and "being blessed" (as a response of the finished work of Christ), one brings restlessness & insecurity while the other brings rest & solid security when we believe it.

Another good news is : my life is not about me. I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of ("of", not "in") the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20)

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Don't get surprise that our memory & feeling sometimes still get stuck in the old, this is just some residual memory. When this happens just know & label it as "the thing of past" and now you are in Christ - no need to react in desperation as if your memory & feeling are the true you now, this will make the stronghold stronger. Because the truth is you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3) - pause, take time to mediate the word & be aware of your new identity - it's not about your effort. 

You can't find the truth of your life by trying to feel it or to logically reason it by the worldly wisdom, because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God. But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His (Romans 8:7-9)

How to renew your mind not to be conformed to the world (Romans 12:2) when you use worldly wisdom as the tool? It's not going to happen. 

The devil's agenda is always to deceive us not to see our real identity in Christ (new covenant) clearly. He knows that as a man thinks in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7)

He also knows that death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)

That's why he's trying so hard to make me believe his narration of my life, this was also how the master of deception got Eve, he made Eve believed that God's word was irrelevant & his suggestion (that affected Eve emotionally) was more relevant (Genesis 3:1-7)

There's a long period of my life I struggled with insomnia & depression (and all the effects of it, gastric acid, shortness of breath, feverish, etc). Even after I was delivered from all of that I still thought that I was traumatised as I was a product of a toxic parental family that affect in many aspects of my life.

The truth of my life is in Psalm 139

13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

When I awake, I am still with You.

Regardless of how my parents were God must have equipped me before hand to still mold me according to His blue print so I can still hit the mark as His plan is, it's just the flesh is the one that was trying to identify that I'm actually traumatised. I'm not taking my pain lightly, the horrible feeling was real, nevertheless I need to remember that that "all things work together for good (though not all things are from God) to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

If God's proficiency is always much more exceedingly bigger than all my challenge - we can read how the Lord fed the 5000+ people with only 5 loaves & 2 fishes (with 12 baskets leftover), and how He fed 4000+ with 7 loaves (with 7 baskets left over) - how come I saw that my trauma was bigger than the peace, joy, love, protection & proficiency of the Lord for me? Unless I was under some deception (that sounds so reasonable).

Do you know there was a young boy sold as slave by his brother? It's a true story, his name was Joseph. He was separated from his family, must have felt betrayed, lost his basic education in his life, living alone in a foreign country, he could have thought all the depressive thought & feeling depressed, he could have thought that he had no bright future, but "the Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man (the reason of his success was nothing but because the Lord was with him); and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian (the bible said that he was successful even when he was still a slave). And his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord made all he did to prosper in his hand (it's very tangible, even a heathen man saw it) (Genesis 39:2-4)

Not to compare how bad our natural background was just to gain pity & amazement, are we as bad as Joseph? You may say, "Yes...I was worst then Joseph", but the point I'm making here is are we aware that the Lord is with us? What do we believe the most important in life that makes us successful? Is it education, is it opportunity, or our hard work, or connection, or the Lord to be with us? (a question for me to keep on pondering too)

Another story is about a young teenager who was overlooked by his own family. His name was David. He's got so much challenges in his life, but yet the Lord regarded him as "the man after My heart" (Acts 13:22), he killed the giant Goliath & was the famous king of Israel anointed by the Lord.

Will we allow our "fallen world" experiences to deviate us from seeing our true identity in Christ?

Do you know Adam & Eve were created in the image of God? And they had freedom to freely eat from any trees (except 1), and their life & security were tight up with God Himself, until they wanted to be god for themselves - to depend on the knowledge of good & evil for their security in life.

Now, the truth for the Christ believers, we are not the same as the people of the world, but the worldly teaching has made us believe otherwise. The primary way of life for us should be by faith (Hebrews 10:38, 2 Corinthian 5:7), but unconsciously we put our faith on the senses. We believe who we are not just because we feel the traumas.

What traumas (childhood, adulthood, etc) can do is to distract/block our vision of our true identity in Christ, the "painful experience" lens blur our perception/belief of our oneness with God - we don't see ourselves as new creation in Christ as what the bible describes in 2 Corinthians 5:17 (Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.)

Instead of seeing that Christ is our new identity we see ourselves as traumatic person who need healing, and our focus now has become "Healing Journey of Our Precious Wounded Heart". When you take this path the worldly philosophies/wisdom will supply you with many information that seemingly benefit you; they will reinforce what you believe carnally so that your heart can associate with its way, not realising that you've joined its game to discover the "old you".

That wisdom will lure you to discover "yourself", your past experience, your pain, and the true version of your true self (inner child) in the subconscious level that holds childhood memory of experiences. While it's true that many of us have some strong childhood memory (with it's fulfilled & unmet need, some traumatic & also positive experiences that built our life today) our true goal is never about discovering ourselves within ourselves, but it's to discover who we are in Christ. 

The more you focus to please the so called "inner child" this the more you deviate away from your new creation identity in Christ, you are controlled by that - and as you are protecting & healing it, it might request to you various things as requirements for the sake of your own complete healing (here things will get weirder & manifest weirdly, and if you can't fulfil the criteria/requirements of your so called innocence "inner child" you believe that you're not healed yet). It's a very subtly dangerous dark concept/belief that will keep you in bondage of "self-consciousness", while the answer of your life is being Christ-conscious.

You are defined by who He says you are (while the flesh is trying to define you by your emotional experience, whether is traumatic or positive. It doesn't mean you deny your emotion, you acknowledge it as your true experience, but that doesn't mean that it is the definition of you.

When His word says that "the Lord is my Shepard, I lack nothing" (Psalm 23:1 NIV) it means my trauma (that I feel it with my entire being that is trying to tell me I lack the essential things in life) is nothing than just a deep emotional experience that doesn't define who I am - because the truth is the Lord is my Shepard, I lack nothing.

It's not about denying my feeling, but I need to know that the "lens of pain" can distort my vision of the true reality of me. If now the life I live in this body I live by the faith of the Son of God Who loves me & gave Himself for me (Galatians 2:20) it means it's a victorious life - I can't deny that His life is lousy. 

As God He troubled Himself to come down & suffered as human for me, He persistently endured the torture, carried the heavy cross though He was in pain, being hung so long on the cross refused to just die till His last blood & the completion of His redemptive work for me, and finally He said "it is finished" & decided to give away His spirit - do you think He succeeded? The problem is about trust issue, we believe our feeling & perception than what God says. 

Realise that since the beginning (how much more in this world which is already fallen) the devil devices/orchestrates some nasty experiences that you can feel it so you might react upon it. He likes to make you feel lack, incomplete, insecure - this is what he suggested to Eve in Genesis 3:4-5,  the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” - this emotional selling/suggestion made Eve felt incomplete, she believed that that fruit would make her more secure as she would know better (more control in her hand for her own good) rather than her oneness with the Lord. 

The devil's suggestion created something in her as a desire emerged deep down in her emotion. So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate (Genesis 3:6). Since then she cut off herself from the life of God as she wanted to be independent, her own life, her own identity apart of God - that's when death came, instead of getting freedom that the devil suggested, she lost her real freedom.

The devil still uses the same tactic to distract you out. Quit playing his game!!! Discover your new true identity in Christ through His word. 

The ruler of the world (the devil) is after your belief, because he doesn't want you to live victoriously when you have divine peace that surpasses understanding that rules your emotion. Your real enemy that you thought you're fighting with is not people, it's the devil & his principalities

Ephesians 6:12

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

When we grew up somehow we were thought carnally by our parents, by our observation from our surrounding, etc, and those have become the strongholds in us - now we have to change our core with the knowledge of God - there are things to unlearn & relearn

2 Corinthians 10

4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

We can't use the worldly way to get Godly result, we cannot use psychology to win a spiritual warfare. The real enemy is spirit, and he understands psychology better than any human, in fact he uses it agains us (psychology just manage the "old man", the real identity is never changed, this discipline observes human psychic after the fall, it doesn't have information about what God knows from the beginning. The devil, sin & God's redemption are not in the dictionary of psychology

The only thing that works is when we let God change us, we put our trust in Him - He killed our old man & lives our life. We receive Him to be born again & change our mind with the truth of God's word. Remember how the Lord countered & cast out the devil using God's word in the wilderness? (Matthew 4:1-11) How would you fight the devil's deception without God's word?

And the devil is always attack God's word first (Matthew 13:1-18). 

Why do we have emotion then?

The Lord created emotion as part of designing us in His own image, so we can feel happy, fulfil & truly enjoy life, relationship, our oneness with Him. It's to give feeling as color to our thought & experience. The devil knows this, to hijack mankind he suggests his thought so he could emotionally sells his POV to people - don't buy it - believing him ruins our emotion. Or he could try to arrange bad & painful experiences and try to make us use that pain as our lens to see our life.

Perhaps you are like me, you feel victimised, lost opportunities, wasting time, hopeless, useless, striving, insecure, unfortunate, and you've been reacting to those feeling (and yes...there were many valid experiences in our past that make us feel certain way), perhaps you've been trying very hard to avoid all the triggers but ending realising that "avoidance" has become your life theme - you realise that the common denominator is actually in you (the flesh), perhaps you've been trying very hard to change yourself, or your fortune (or some of you have given up), I understand that it's been a tiring life for you. The life that you think "it's all about you" is a painful & tiring life - you will just collect & optimise knowledge of good & evil for your survival mode. 

The good news is, there's a good Saviour for you, His name is Jesus Christ. You need to know that this fallen world naturally is cursed, you can just by yourself trying very hard to safe yourself avoiding everything & everyone that appears as threat/trigger to you (at least in your carnal perception) - when you've come to the end of yourself I hope that you let Him live your life. He has died for you & as you; and now as He lives, He lives for you and also as you too, remember this truth. Feed your soul with God's word, not the sweet poison of the deception that you think it's the answer of your life. 

Yes, we all want to be healthy mentally, we want to have our soul refreshed & satisfied. And if we don't know how to strengthen ourselves in the Lord (like what David did in the midst of his big trouble (1 Samuel 30:6) then the old serpent would be very easily sells his solution to us. 

Speak God's word to your soul, meditate & confess Psalm 23, Psalm 103 (David spoke to his own soul about God's benefit - we should do that too) - God's word refreshes our life. The Lord has made Bible easily available for us is for our own benefit, why you do other things?

Isaiah 55:1-3

1 Ho! Everyone who thirsts, Come to the waters;

And you who have no money,

Come, buy and eat.

Yes, come, buy wine and milk

Without money and without price (by grace).

2 Why do you spend money for what is not bread,

And your wages for what does not satisfy?

Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,

And let your soul delight itself in abundance.

3 Incline your ear, and come to Me.

Hear, and your soul shall live;

And I will make an everlasting covenant with you—

The sure mercies of David.

The worldly wisdom might warn you to be careful of the teaching that neglect your feeling as if "thing of faith" neglects feeling, the truth is the Lord cares so much for your emotion. He wants you to have healthy emotion by believing who you are in Him - let it be the anchor. Your emotion cannot have itself as the anchor. Anchor your faith in the truth of God & your emotion will be good, anchor your faith in your emotion & your emotion will crush.

Faith doesn't deny feelings, you still have to acknowledge what you are feeling. Nevertheless you can reject for them to have the authority over your life, you are not what you feel, you are who God says you are - if you have received Christ, then like it or not, Christ is your identity, it's no longer you (Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 5:17) 

Let's practice our awareness of our new identity, be aware of who we are instead of being aware of who we are not as suggested by the old serpent through the knowledge of good & evil (worldly wisdom). Practice our faith, not our fear. 

Our real problem is not the trauma (because as long as we are here in this fallen world like it or not we will have some hurts & we also unconsciously hurt people), our problem is we are not in touched with the reality of who we are in Christ (whether we don't know, or we forget). And the truth is still : we are here to witness God's goodness in our life, He's always good & loves to satisfy us, His will for us is always good - tidy up our mind (Romans 12:2)

1 John 4:17 "Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment (day of trial); because as He is, so are we in this world." - when we received Christ, He is now our identity. His shalom is our mental health. 

When we confess we are already the healed it's not because the traumatic feeling is no longer there, but because we know that we are not what we feel, Jesus is us now - and He's perfectly healed. I know that this truth must be discern by faith, not by sense's knowledge or by feel - 1 Corinthians 2:14 "But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." 

The problem of a lot of Christians (including myself) is we treat feeling as faith, we want to feel the truth of the Bible - we cannot. You have to believe it first before your feeling catching up.

Just because we confess, "I'm healed...I'm healed" doesn't mean that we are in the right posture of faith, because we can confess this as a magic word as we still see ourselves as the sick who needs healing (instead of seeing ourselves healed because of His finished work & now He lives as us; and the devil is trying to make us believe that we are still sick). That little important twist makes a big difference - you say the same thing but out of different inner posture.

I myself from time to time need to align myself with God's word, not all "presets" in my mind or feeling come from the right spirit, I have to catch it - use God's word as the lens. I myself am in a journey in discovering what Jesus' done for me & as me, discovering my new identity in Christ. And just because sometimes I unconsciously dwell in the fake identity too long due to the flesh (Romans 7:18-20) it doesn't mean that it's not God's will for me to live out my new identity.

One thing I discovered, whenever I learn the truth about faith in God's word that seemingly overwhelm me & as response I say something like, "Oh wow...God is awesome in Moses' life, the Red sea parted; in Peter's life, he walked on water by faith.....bla bla bla....but I'm only human" - this will neutralise whatever I've been building in faith.

This is actually a confession of lie as if my life is still about me, my ability or my disability, and as if God isn't in my life. "But I'm only human" wouldn't make Peter walked on water - in fact it sank him, he stumbled not because not because of sin but because "he was only human". "But I'm only human" wouldn't make Moses brought the Israelites crossing the Red sea. And if they did great things as the Lord with them yet outside them, how much more now when the Holy Spirit dwells in us - how come we still believe that we are "only human"? As humbling as it sounds, but it's a deception that try to make us believe who we are not.

Remember Romans 8:9 But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His.

Know that you are a spirit who's got physical experience, you are not the "flesh" who sometimes has got spiritual experience. How if we change our lingo behind the "but" (because after the "but" is the crux of the matter), example : "Many of my friends fall sick in this flu season, but I'm staying healthy because Jesus is my health. I'm not only human, I'm a citizen of heaven. I've got the same life as Jesus" - you speak the truth confidently here. 

Imagine if you say, "Yes, Jesus is in us - we have His life & health, but now we are in a serious flu season, we have to be wise not to be around where the virus is" - what is the spirit behind this confession? Is it faith or fear? The phrase behind the "but" neutralises the confession before that as if it's nothing. So many Christian listen to good sermons but still lives driven by fear (masked as wisdom) if they don't practice putting their faith in God's word.

Our call is not to just accept our situation, but to accept what Jesus has done on the cross that the devil fights to cover it from our vision - let's get our perspective right!!!  Find out why He gave you authority & power (I won't talk in details about these here).

We still can feel all the bad emotions, we can bring it to the Lord through prayer and ask Him to help us to straighten our vision. Or perhaps we know our identity, it's just we still have problem to believe it. He will reveal to us when we meditate on His word that maybe there's some unconscious stronghold that we need to tear down, some worldly influence we need to cut off, etc. This approach allows us to label correctly the separation between our "feeling" & our "identity", 

Paul's heart in his epistles explains a lot about our new identity (under the new covenant) so  "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come." (Ephesians 1:17-21)

The thought that makes your mind is not sound doesn't come from God, so it's not yours, for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7)

The truth of you according to God's word, God has delivered you from the power of darkness and conveyed you into the kingdom of the Son of His love (Collosians 1:13) 

Don't believe you are in the dark & your thought is dark - they are of the enemy that try to convince you to disagree with your real identity in Christ.

In this light you can see that any negative emotion is an indicator that there's some wrong belief/stronghold that needs to be changed with God's thought (you need to be in the relation with Holy Spirit, ask Him to reveal it to you), it's not something to harm youHave you been finding yourself in God's word? 

Do you dare to rebel against the control of the fleshly feeling & perception that want you to just believe the "seemingly unfortunate fate" by believing God's word that define who you are & confessing "I'm blessed because what Jesus has done for me & as me"?

So who are you? How are you? Are you a victim or you are more than a conquerer in Christ (not in yourself) (Romans 8:37)? Are you traumatised, or are you blessed? 

The Lord Jesus loves you so dearly

Shalom,

Daniel Purnomo