Are We Worshipping Megalomania God Who Demands Our Devotion?

It's just a personal sharing, just a day after Christmas 2020....some reflection about what I used to see/think/believe.

When I was growing I had a religious thought that when I worship God then He'll save me eternally and I'm going to heaven one day, and the opposite means when I don't He'll send me to hell. It's pretty scary...so I worship God. But deep down in me I sincerely always thought that He's kind of a megalomania mafia. Why He needs people to always side Him while He's supposed to be secured enough as the Almighty one?

My life was pretty decent, but why this "Guy up there" gave me warning that sounded more like a threat to me? Does it sound like a gangster's practice? We need to pay some retribution to the "godfather" for our own safety, or else he'll harm us.

I thought, "Why He needs my praise & worship. Is he like a megalomania that indulge in others' appraisal?". Imagine, we as human ourselves...we demanded everyone to give their devotion to us since we're so powerful & authoritative, we rewarded people when they did so, we blamed & persecuted people who didn't do so...aren't we a megalomania narcissist? 

Just because we have authority & power we don't do that, do we? I mean...as normal people we won't do that (I'm not talking about the "flesh" tendency). We respect people's right, if they don't validate us...so what, right? Even if the "flesh" thought in me wanted to get validation from people as I thought I deserved it...I know it's not right to force people. I also don't want to be forced by others anyway, no body wants. Then why did I think God is so forceful?

I think perhaps the way I saw God was based on my own projection (the unconsciously hidden "manipulative" desire, lol). If I had all power & authority I would think that I'd do justice (my own way). I would take pleasure if I could control people and make them serve me, I feel powerful when they obeyed me, I feel meaningful when they needed my help & validation, they must always come into agreement with me, listened to me, attended to me, saw my greatness & goodness, praised & worshiped me, and so on. I can find life fulfilment in them...again, this is the symptoms of narcissistic. So sick, isn't it?

If He were like this, why would I respect Him anyway? But I thank God I don't need to agree even with some of my thoughts, event my impression of Him, haha...

How if the scenario is like...I was already in the wrong. It's not because I sided God or not, I just simply sinned...tried hard not too, but still did, that's the nature (my status) -As it is written: “There is none righteous, no, not one (Romans 3:10); It means I send myself to hell, it's just some consequences of what I did and who I was (it's just a justice system)...and I couldn't help it. We all need to bear the consequences of our own conduct, do we? For my case, I know I'm not perfect. I brake the law a lot. Do I deserve punishment? Off course.

And now I see what God offers me, a "saving plan" so called, makes sense. There must be a REDEMPTION plan that I could get. I know I can't afford to pay, because if I could afford then I don't think I need God's plan (while He knows no one can save him/herself, only His plan works though it took His own blood). And to see His plan's very heart warming, it's because He Himself came down to be one of us. He's the One Who created the universe, He's the Word of God & He's God...He didn't need to humble Himself to come down to our level, but He did. That's the only way to redeem us. He can't just give law & instruction because He knows we can't do it. We are by nature can't follow/obey perfectly. 

And as He's justice, He can't just "put aside" all the transgression as if like nothing happened. Could you imagine if there's no justice for you when people wrong you? A system is a system, justice is a system too...no one can't tweak it and not be called "injustice". 

So God showed His love and executed justice by coming down for us. Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

He's not a Santa Claus (Santa, if you read this...I'm sorry, you're awesome too) who's "gonna find out who's naughty or nice", Christ died as the redemption not for good people, but for sinners (like me). We're saved not by our deeds, but by His deed. We're saved not by our devotion to Him (our devotion's also tainted), but by His perfect redemption plan. 

Ephesians 2:8-9

New King James Version

8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.

It means now I see that God IS NOT a megalomania mafia that demands my devotion, He just wanted me to receive His offer of Salvation. By receiving that He effectively become the ransom for my sins and my decision change the path of my life, and not only that...He's given me Himself as my new identity. This is a powerful truth. Isn't it a GOOD NEWS?

I worship Him voluntarily as I see love in His selfless act. I praise Him & devote to Him because of love, not out of fear anymore. Even when sometimes my devotion's not strong, hey...He still loves me unconditionally and our relationship's everlasting. I don't boast on my love to Him, but His love to me. What saved me is His love, not my love. My love's just a response to His love. 1 John 4: 19 (NKJV) We love Him because He first loved us.

I see His love in this Christmas season and this is for eternity. With this I want to say that He loves you too.